panicky

so those of you that know me are aware that i have one or two things going on in my life.  it’s pretty well known (one of those known knowns, if you will) that i got myself knocked up this past spring and ola and i are expecting baby #1 in very early december.  so that’s one little itsy bitsy minor change, right? 

secondly, ola has a job offer for his fellowship starting next summer, and we’ll be moving and i’ll be going back to school.  i’m nervous about school.  actually, i’m nervous about applying for school.  i know i’m ready to head back because i know exactly where i want to go and what i want to study and i’m completely terrified that they won’t accept me and then what!?  also, grad school is a pretty big financial commitment and since i have no intention of EVER leaving the non-profit sector, that is something to seriously consider as well. 

when it comes down to it, i do know that all will be well, but we as a family are embarking on a bunch of stuff we’ve never done before, and all at the same time!  when i think about it too much, i get a liiiiiittle panicky…i believe this is because lately we’ve been having conversations about dealing with debt, financing the baby, re-arranging the apartment and talking about a registry, and all kinds of other things that are just distressingly based in reality 🙂

 this morning i’ve been fantasizing that we’ll buy a house when we move.  i’m actually unsure whether this is a pipe dream or not.  however, if you would like to make a donation towards our down payment, we accept checks, cash and wire transfers!  i’ve also been thinking about this elusive idea of a car.  i guess we’ll need to get one.  maybe even two, depending on where exactly we’re living in relation to the grocery store, train station, and daycare center…

if you consider yourself quite well-versed in the skills of raising a baby while in grad school with no money, and needing to acquire a house and a car in a new place with almost zero friends in that new place, please drop some advice 🙂  this is all new for me (including the car buying!  this will be our first car purchase!)

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5 Responses to “panicky”

  1. Your panic makes absolute sense but so will the plan when you figure it out. A house?!?! A car??!?!?! You’re goin’ all suburban on me. 🙂

  2. NOOO! Not suburban! I certainly hope I never attain any measure of stereotypical suburban-ality. I think I’m pretty safe though – I’m incredibly cynical, and I think you’re required to embrace kitsch, floral patterns, and the PTA (among other things) before you’re truly suburban.

  3. mermaid mommy Says:

    Careful now…you have some suburban connections you know. For the record, I can tell you that the only reason I ever joined the PTA was pressure from my various bosses. I never participated in the PTA at C and J’s school except when they were in a program of some sort or getting a Citizen of the Month badge or some such thing. I understand the stereotype you’re describing, though. No one really wants the “suburbanite” tag hanging on them, but the life turns out to be pretty nice for children, so you sometimes end up there even when you never thought it would be possible.

    As for the other stuff–yeah, kind of overwhelming. Would the idea of renting a house to get started seem a little more manageable? Would the return to school be easier when the baby is say, one? Talk to Ann about this…she had planned to return to work in May and couldn’t do it, and the more she hung out with Linnea, the more she realized she needed a little more time to get the kid started. It was a pretty agonizing decision in some ways, but I know she’s happy about it.

    Take some deep breaths now, and remember that everything works out for the best, even though it’s sometimes hard getting everything worked out. 🙂

  4. liz, i carefully couched my answer to caroline knowing you’d read it 🙂 It’s not actually the suburbs per se I don’t like the idea of, but the many stereotypes that surround them, especially lack of community and all kinds of fake friendliness. For the PTA, that just goes down this whole road of parents over-involvement in trying to influence schools and classrooms (actually, i’d love to hear your take on that next month!).
    as for school…i can’t wait a semester. i have to start in the fall (spring is not an entering option), and i’ll already be 27 entering a 4 year program. i’m afraid if i don’t go back next fall i never will. i’m envious of ann’s opportunity to make that decision, but i don’t think it’s a viable one for me. lots of stuff to hash over when we see you in just a few weeks!!!!

  5. when i think of “annoying PTA” i think of the moms on the TV show “Weeds” who live in agrestic, ca. granted the writers make them as stereotypical and annoying as possible for the sake of entertainment, but still, stereotypes gotta come from somewhere. i can safely say my family is nowhere NEAR that level of suburbaniteism.

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