back at work

i’m back at work, and it really sucks.  work is fine, but oh my sweet lord do i miss my baby.  i had no idea i could possibly miss him so much.  on monday and tuesday, when i handed him to meredith, he started to cry.  she told me later he cried and fussed for a good 1/2 hour and he hasn’t been his normal happy baby self with her for long periods during the day.  this is just incredibly hard.  i am actually considering putting off school for a year to stay home with him.  i just don’t know if i can really do full-time away from him for an extended period of time.  this also brings up the very practical quandry of…if i put off school now, will i ever do it?  are my priorities changing?  would i kick myself later if i put school off (or put it off for too long?)?

in addition to missing kieran, it’s only been 2 days and i’m exhausted.  since kieran is in cloth diapers, we have to do laundry approx every 2-3 days, no matter what.  i can go a max of 5 days before i have to do his laundry.  ola and i need to eat.  our apartment should probably not go uncleaned for more than a few weeks at a time…especially the bathroom and kitchen!  this is all compounded by the fact that ola has to work all the time, which is just hard.

i had a really, REALLY easy life when all i had to worry about was me.  i did not realize how easy.

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2 Responses to “back at work”

  1. Wow, what a tough position. It is one thing when you have a spouse who can help you out, but you guys aren’t in that position yet.

    As far as priorities changing, don’t be afraid of it. You have a beautiful little boy who needs you right now, and if that takes the #1 spot, then enjoy it while it lasts because soon he will be a teenager… 😉 Don’t be afraid of change. One day at a time. If you regret it later, you can always go back to school when he’s a little older!

  2. Hold on, baby…you can do it. I know it’s hard, but give working a little more time before you make big decisions about school and stuff. The days will get easier!

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